As a makeup artist, I service many clients. A lot of my clients share the most important moments of their lives with me. From baby showers to high school proms to weddings, I love each experience. I am always excited to add my touch to these milestone events. While I am a professional who is always looking for ways to advance my business, I would be remiss if I didn’t say that I am always looking for ways to advance my personal life as well.
I have been working to be the best version of me that I can. I am more spiritual and work to align myself with respect to my ancestors. I make special efforts to support my friends in their endeavors. I give every ounce of my being to my family. I am healing my scars, eating better and trying to live right. I am loving harder and traveling more. I have a 30 before 30 list filled with goals that I am checking off by the week, in hopes of being fulfilled and not wasting any time. I am definitely proud of who I have grown to be, but being single and approaching 30 is something that has consumed much of my mental space for the past year.
In a time where DM’s and the clicking the ‘like’ button on social media replaces the authentic approach for interest from a prospective mate, it is increasingly hard to sift through the real prospects and the time wasters. I am usually very private about my dating life because I love Black men so much and never want to come off as a male basher. However, when my friend (and talented photographer, Josh Alvies) and I were speaking of photo inspiration, he had this idea for a woman being stood up on her dates. Since I could relate to being the poster child for #WasteHerTime2016, I decided to use our shoot as inspiration to share some of the stories that did not make the cut for a book that I’ve been working on about my dating life... or the lack thereof.
Though I advocate positive energy, I think it is important to share the lows along with the highs in life. While many of my ducks are in a row, many are not. In fact, many are out here waddling in blind foolishness. That is okay. I have learned to embrace it. With yet another cuffing season rapidly approaching, I thought it would be fun to share some of my recent dating experiences as I vow not to let another #WasteMyTime story happen to me... at least for the rest of 2016.
“Once, Twice, Three Times of Wasting…”
- This man: brown-skinned with a full beard, intellectual and well-spoken was a friend of a friend. He and I shared articles, perspective and conversation that left the other intrigued and enlightened. A talented poet and lyricist, he had a smile that lit up the room and a tone in his voice that was calming. We had one date over tea that lasted for hours and a year later somehow got re-acquainted. The time we were planning to get together again, he chose a place to meet for a meal. We were supposed to meet at a specific time so I arrived promptly. I was greeted with an empty parking lot and a closed restaurant. I called him and got no answer. Recognizing that I have the tendency to be impatient, I decided to give him a chance to arrive. I called him a few times while I waited. An hour later, he finally called me back. He apologized for his lack of response and advised that he’d left his cell phone at home originally. Since this restaurant was closed, he asked me to meet him at a bar that was about 20 minutes away. Deciding to give him another opportunity, I agreed. I arrived at this next place and he was no where in sight. Impatient by this point, I called him. He did not answer his phone. Frustrated and disappointed, but with nothing else to lose, I decided to wait anyway. An hour later as I was on my way home, he called me and apologized because although he invited me to this place, he “didn’t know where it was.” He used his eloquence to disguise a request for me to watch Netflix and Chill. I took down his address and drove... home! I looked for Ashton Kutcher or an off-brand version to meet me at home to tell me that I had been Punk’d. Like this man who played me three times in one night, unfortunately, he never showed up.
- This guy went to my college. For the sake of being pleasant, I won’t describe him physically. I will say that he was pursuing a music career and from the social media posts to personal style, fashioned himself after DJ Khaled. When we were at school, I tried to catch his attention by taking him soup when he was sick. We both loved hip hop so when a particular artist that he liked had a CD that dropped, I picked it up for him. For whatever reason, he curved me. I easily forgot about him and moved on. Years later, thanks to good old Facebook, we reconnected. We casually conversed and hinted at interest. Against my better judgement and because my mom told me to, I gave him another shot. He lived in another city so he asked me when a good time to visit would be. I told him a date and we spoke about things that he might like to do when he visited. I found all of the city’s attractions and was anticipating his arrival. He arrived to the city and was then too busy to hang out. When I finally did get his time, we were going to have dinner. He was starving so instead of going to the restaurant I had chosen and waiting 30 minutes, we went for pizza. I was to be his hostess, so I covered dinner for our first date. We were supposed to hang out again the next evening. It turned out that we did not hang out again at all. He chose to attend a party that I initially invited him to, but he told me he wouldn’t be interested in. He reached out to me when it was convenient for him again. I never responded. If he couldn't be "smart, loyal, grateful and appreciate me" like Khaled praised his women friends for being, then he would just be another one thrown into my sea of forgotten ones.
- I met this guy at one of our city’s popular Thursday night spots. He had fair skin, thick eyebrows and a bleached-tipped, curly fro-hawk much like Odell Beckham, Jr. He was really handsome, skinny and probably one centimeter taller than me. He approached me with a joke and proceeded to make me laugh throughout our whole interaction which made him even more attractive. We exchanged numbers and texted, then eventually spoke on the phone. Jumping into the conversation like we’d known each other for years, he and I had a great connection. We planned to go to the movies one weekend. We were to meet at 8pm. He told me he had just gotten back in town so to give him a chance to shower. I did that. Since I had already gotten dressed, I went to my studio to do some work while I waited. He texted every 20 to 30 minutes with an update and to push the meeting time back a little more. It got to be midnight and I sent him an eloquent text that said in so many words; “I don’t care how ‘fahn’ you are. I am going home.” He asked me to meet me where ever, just to see each other. Again, I had already wasted my night so I wanted to see if he was actually as cute as I remembered. Carrying an empty red solo cup and with that same perfect smile, he met me. I gave him a hug, told him he'd never have another chance to make me wait again and jumped in my car to dip as fast I could.
*If you, too, have wasted my time in 2016 or prior, stay tuned for my novel to be released early 2017 for your shout out. LOL