That supreme moment, for me, was Good Friday 2011.
If you know anything about me. You know I love rap music. I love the poetry in the lyrics and the therapy of the expression. I grew up rushing home after school as child, not to go outside and play with my friends, but to catch Rap City. I think that plays a huge part of who I am as a person. I don't deny that at all. I love it. I love using simple language to convey a thought versus trying to impress people with extensive etymology. Knowing this about me might help you receive me better. (Look at me opening up to people, LOL). Anyway, recently listening to the words of J. Cole's, "Love Yourz" helped inspire me on this post. There is beauty in the struggle.
I was involved in an accident with a semi-truck that literally turned my life upside down. I learned that no matter how beautiful you may appear to be, how many accomplishments you may have earned, or even how intelligent others think you are… nothing is guaranteed. In a single moment, it can all be taken away.
I lost my memory. I had damage to my inner ear and as a result could not walk alone. My face was so swollen that I was unrecognizable. I had to cut off my hair to treat the wounds in my scalp from surgery. I could not use products with chemicals such as relaxers in the little hair that I did have because they would aggravate my healing. I couldn’t wear wigs because I couldn’t handle the restriction on my scalp. I couldn’t wear weaves because I was pained by the tension. I did not drive because I had extreme anxiety and fear of other drivers. I conditioned myself not to emote because whenever I experienced extreme anger, sadness, fear, shock or even happiness, I felt immense nerve pain. I had migraines almost every day. I had sinus fractures and had to learn to sleep in new positions (whenever I could actually sleep). I gained weight because of my inactivity. I did not have a car. I did not have money. I was rejected for hundreds of jobs. I had to move in with my parents.
Humbled to say the least.
There is good news though. There is beauty in the struggle. I love J.Cole for making that phrase popular.
I felt like while I was experiencing these changes, I allowed myself to feel, hear and know. My destiny was bigger than what I had been allowing myself to see. Through my recovery, I had the opportunity to learn to live my life without fear of saying the right thing or doing the right thing. I learned to follow my heart. I had developed the fearlessness to take a step away from things that made me unhappy. I worked on making some of my ideas come to life. I learned to accept new challenges.
There are so many privileges we take for granted, believing that we’ll have other chances. Believing that we are entitled to our blessings and that we are an exception to the rule. It wasn’t until I allowed myself to really feel, hear and know as Ms. Winfrey referenced, that my life changed.
As a Christian, I commemorate Good Friday. I’m no minister, but I believe that Jesus was crucified on that day. I think about the pain that I went through on Good Friday 2011. While it does not compare to the crucifixion by any means, it has monumental representation. Jesus suffered. It wasn’t beautiful at the time, but after the pain was a beautiful outcome. A beautiful healing. A beautiful representation of God’s love for us. It revealed the calling over my life. I know why I am here. There is such beauty in being a light to others. I thank God for that beauty. I thank God for those loved ones who were there for me every step of the way. I thank God for those who weren’t. I thank God for showing me that He is my comfort. I thank God for what I now know. I would have never been so free, if I hadn’t endured that pain. There really is beauty in the struggle. I'm back and I'm better!
It is my prayer that everyone recognizes their purpose and potential. It is all a part of a master plan that is positioning you for your greatness! May God bless you this Good Friday and forever.